Problem with "dangerous" Catholics?Call in the Lawyers!

1 Corinthians 6:1-8
How can any one of you with a case against another dare to bring it to the unjust for judgment instead of to the holy ones?
Do you not know that the holy ones will judge the world? If the world is to be judged by you, are you unqualified for the lowest law courts?Do you not know that we will judge angels? Then why not everyday matters? If, therefore, you have courts for everyday matters, do you seat as judges people of no standing in the church. I say this to shame you. Can it be that there is not one among you wise enough to be able to settle a case between brothers? But rather brother goes to court against brother, and that before unbelievers? Now indeed (then) it is, in any case, a failure on your part that you have lawsuits against one another. Why not rather put up with injustice? Why not rather let yourselves be cheated? Instead, you inflict injustice and cheat, and this to brothers.

The continuing disgust and disappointment from my readers leaves me no choice but to explain in more detail why I am so dangerous. I will try to do so as clearly as my restraining order allows, without violating it and taking full responsibility for my offenses.

I was served with two nearly identical temporary restraining orders in November of 2006. No attempt was made before the restraining orders were issued to talk to me or communicate. I am not free to tell you what the charges were against me. I am not free to tell you who took out these orders against me.

What I can tell you is a bit about the hearing that took place in January 2007.

My attorney was from a town 60 miles away. I couldn’t get an attorney from Valdosta to represent me, because they were all afraid of upsetting the local Catholic administration. One local attorney took my case for a day, then called to tell me that he could not because a secretary had a son in St. John’s school and she was afraid her son would be expelled.

Such was the warm, small-town atmosphere that guaranteed me a fair hearing.

The parish had the big-name attorney, the pulpit to spin opinion against me, the staff to spread its gossip and the respectability of the institutional Church. In short, I was David, facing Goliath. And Goliath stomped all over me with wanton glee.

If you’ve ever been to a restraining order hearing, you know that they are usually over in a few minutes. Not mine! Instead, we were treated to a three-day event, where various witnesses (mostly parish employees) shared their views about my vicious habits.

I had witnesses too. Most of them decided at the last minute not to show, because they either were afraid of being taken to court by the parish (like me) or were afraid their children or grandchildren would be expelled from the parish school.

Have you noticed a pattern here yet?

The parish’s witnesses did their best to prove how dangerous I am. One person said that I was driving too fast in the parish parking lot. Another said I was driving too slowly. One dramatically cried on the stand, only to step down, smile, and high five the others while asking, “How’d I do?”

Perhaps the most illustrative example came from a witness I had never met or spoken to who was convinced that I was scary. My attorney asked him to specify what was scary about me:

Witness: “I think he terrifies children.”

My Attorney: “How does he terrify children?”

Witness: “My kids were at the theater downtown to audition for a play and my son came into the lobby saying, ‘Daddy, the stalker’s family is in there!’ That scared my son!”

I remember that night too, because I stayed home to watch my youngest daughter. The boy who was so “scared” saw my wife and two older daughters.

I wasn’t even with them.

I never thought I could scare people by NOT being around! But at least we know that in this charitable Catholic environment, we have parents pointing at others in Church saying things like, “Look son—that man’s a stalker!”



The biggest problem for all these witnesses was that one can only stretch the truth so far without committing perjury. Every time my attorney cross-examined them, they all had to admit the same thing. It went something like this:

“Did Robert ever touch you?”

“No.”

“Did Robert ever harm you?”

“No.”

“Did Robert ever threaten you?

“No.”

“Then how can you come up here and say that Robert is dangerous?”

“He made me feel threatened.”

I never knew I had such talent! Even now, I could kick myself for not pursuing an acting career so I could play menacing roles (like Christopher Walken) and make audiences PAY me to make them feel threatened! But I digress.



After three straight days of listening to people from a parallel universe prattle on about what a demonic force I was, I decided I needed a break. The following Sunday, I attend Mass elsewhere, even though my temporary restraining order permitted me to attend Mass at St. John the Evangelist. In fact, I did this for several more weeks. And for several more weeks, no ruling came from the court. I asked my attorney what was going on. He told me that he wanted me to attend Mass at St. John’s the following Sunday.

So I did.

I was not expecting what would happen when I got there. People began walking up to me and shaking my hand. Several people told me that they missed seeing me at Mass. It felt like a post-war homecoming.

I sighed and thought, “Maybe we can finally put this all behind us.”

The following day, my attorney called me around noon and told me to sit down while he talked. He read the lengthy text of a restraining order that had just been faxed to him. As he had suspected, the restraining order was being held back until I actually showed up for Mass. Now it had been unleashed.

It was ruled that I had to permanently stay 500 feet away from the parties that I am forbidden to mention, or publish anything about them whatsoever. As I've mentioned before, I am forbidden to attend Mass in my own parish unless I have written permission from Bishop Boland, which Bishop Boland continues to refuse to grant. I am even forbidden to own a gun! But then again, this is no surprise. Forbidden was the order of the day. I was even forbidden to defend myself, as everything I had to defend myself with was objected out of evidence.

Perhaps I’m selfish or just self-delusional, but I believe that the restraining order is downright draconian. So, in March 2007, I filed a notice to appeal it. All I had to do was get the transcripts to the appeals court, so that they could schedule a docketing date for my appeal hearing.

The court reporter was swamped and let us know that it might take a month or two…or three…or longer…well, the transcript wasn’t sent to the appeals court until August of 2008. During the year and a half that we waited, my attorney made repeated phone calls, sent repeated letters and even offered to pay for the transcripts in advance and was told not to pay any money until they were ready.

Then in November last year, a motion was filed to dismiss my appeal, claiming that I had caused “unreasonable delays” in the shipment of the transcript to the appeals court. On November 24, there was a motion hearing where, because of a schedule conflict, my attorney was unable to be present. That’s O.K.—it’s better to get flogged alone.

The judge ruled against me again. I suppose I will have to appeal that as well. Of course the strategy of getting one’s legal opponent to spend themselves into poverty is certainly nothing new. But at least I can rest easy, knowing that this charitable showing of Christian brotherhood is coming from my Catholic parish with the full support of Bishop Boland. Good, decent, respectable Catholics are now safe from a "dangerous" man like me.


BISHOP BOLAND'S WAY:
"Priests are not to talk to him or his family.
Do not call me. Call my attorneys."


THE CHURCH'S WAY:
“Although they continue to appeal to the idea of justice, nevertheless experience shows that other negative forces have gained the upper hand over justice, such as spite, hatred and even cruelty. In such cases, the desire to annihilate the enemy, limit his freedom, or even force him into total dependence, becomes the fundamental motive for action; and this contrasts with the essence of justice, which by its nature tends to establish equality and harmony between the parties in conflict. This kind of abuse of the idea of justice and the practical distortion of it show how far human action can deviate from justice itself, even when it is being undertaken in the name of justice...
...
The experience of the past and of our own time demonstrates that justice alone is not enough, that it can even lead to the negation and destruction of itself, if that deeper power, which is love, is not allowed to shape human life in its various dimensions.”

-John Paul II, Dives in misericordia

UPDATE
Mary Ann Kreitzer at Les Femmes shares her take on this mess.